Things I Don’t Understand, Items 908 thru 910

908. Dormant volcanoes that erupt
909. Perms
910. The uppity attitude of poodles

Monday Judgements and Warnings

Heads Up! To all you grammar/pronunciation/poopification police out there:

If you’re standing in line at the local grocery and the checker pronounces the rigid leafed vegetable endive as “En-Dive”, do us all a favor and don’t holler “It’s called “On-Deeve!” at the top of your rabid wolverine lungs like you’re Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady because it just makes the rest of us loathe you—not only because of your nosey parker ways but because it makes us all take notice of your tie-dyed fanny pack which, in all honesty, decreases your chances of garnering any and all respect from here on in until eternity.

Button It Up,
Sergeant Shush Now
134th Mind Your Own Beeswax Division

Saturday SlobberLove

squirrelsSometimes on Saturday, after we’re ambushed on our morning stroll by a gang of warmongering squirrels, we like to have a strategy conference with our mother in order to prevent being made a fool of again.

Lou the Lunging Lunatic

Things I Don’t Understand, Items 905 thru 907

905. How hard it is to remove the gunk a band-aid leaves on your skin once you’ve taken it off
906. When people use the term “per se” after every other sentence
907. Base jumping

Cooper Being Sarah Bernhardt

sarahIn this wildly dramatic scene, the forlorn actress pretends to have a really bad tummy ache in order to prevent her lover from leaving.