Monday Judgements and Warnings

Word To the Wise: If you’re going to share an Anyone-Who-Isn’t-Vegan-Is-Evil parable while you’re standing in line at Whole Foods, you might want to rethink that bright blue leather Boho Jimmy Choo handbag you have slung over your shoulder.

Thanks For Nothing,
The Malarkey Squad

Saturday SlobberLove

vdaySometimes on Saturday, after an unexpected Mother vs Moth battle that ends with our Mother being victorious, we like to have a special Valentine’s Day stare-a-thon, in order to convey to her that we couldn’t, wouldn’t shouldn’t ever have to live without her.

Intensely Yours,
Cooper Cornball

Cooper Being Dakota Johnson in Fifty Shades of Grey

50shadesIn this scene, the actress prepares to be hand-cuffed and smothered by Sharkey, her favorite toy.

The Cupcake Lessons

I was listening to National Public Radio today and I heard a journalist interview a woman by the name of Deborah Snot.

I vowed to myself, right then and right there, that I will cease my belly achin’ about the fact that the string escaped from my sweat pants the last time I washed them, because lord knows things could be worse.

Gratefully Yours,
Nellie the Noticer

Things I Like More Than Anti-Vaxxers

1. Pulp the size of tree limbs in my orange juice
2. Duct tape over my eyes
3. Body surfing in a tsunami
4. Skunk filled egg rolls
5. Being forced to treat the Housewives of New Jersey in hairspray addiction