All posts in Official Scare-O-Meter

The Cupcake’s Official Scare-O-Meter

SEVEN OR ABOVE (AKA poop pants terror):

1. ┬áDavid Copperfield’s extreme mom jeans
2. The Grim Reaper
3. Rottweilers off-leash
4. The vague resurgence of Shannon Daugherty
5. When you’re driving in a car with an acquaintance and suddenly there is a cesspool smell and you can’t say “I didn’t fart, did you?” because you barely know the person
6. Making THE WRONG KIND of eye contact with a CRA-ZA-ZA-ZEE person sitting outside your neighborhood market at dusk
7. Cooking instructions that say “Now cook the garlic in the oil BUT DON’T BURN THE GARLIC BECAUSE IF YOU BURN THE GARLIC YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY WILL LIVE THE REST OF THEIR LIVES IN ANGUISH AND THERE WILL BE A BITTER TASTE FROM THE GARLIC AND THIS BITTER TASTE WILL INFUSE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE YOU HAVE EVER LOVED OR KNOWN OR THOUGHT ABOUT KNOWING.

Stay Safe My Darling Milk Duds,
Commander Candy Corn