All posts in Things I Like More Than…

Things I Like More Than Ted Nugent

1. Taking a scalding hot jacuzzi in cheese fondue
2. Being hung by my nose hairs from the top of the Washington Monument
3. Barf smoothies
4. Carrying a family of angry possums on my back across the Gobi Desert
5. Terrariums in my earlobes

Things I Like More Than Chris Christie

1. Getting bashed in the face with a cast iron skillet
2. Slow dancing with a hornet
3. Being super glued to the front of a moving locomotive
4. Wild boar souffle
5. Pollywogs up my nostrils

Things You Might Lose While Watching the Movie All Is Lost

1. Your marbles
2. The feeling in your face from retaining the same bored expression for such an extended period of time
3. The ability to stay alert
4. The ability to scream for help
5. The ability to know that nothing lasts forever

Things I Like More Than Being Stuck In Gridlock Traffic While I Have To Take a Doodie

1. Barnyard animals in my shower
2. Getting stuck in a conversation with an argumentative boozehound
3. Being hung by my pinky toes from the top of the Empire State Building
4. Goiters on my face
5. Gerbil pie

Things I’d Rather Do More Than Watch Carrie Underwood In a Live Televised Production of The Sound of Music

1. Work at Wal-Mart
2. Be chained to a plank and forced to endure a 24 hour Lea Thompson movie marathon
3. Teach a pelican algebra
4. Wear olives on the ends of my fingers all the time
5. Enter the Indianapolis 500 riding a pony