1. Super Glue facials
2. Fierce constipation
3. Being clobbered over the head with a kettle ball
4. Peas covered in white chocolate
5. Watching a movie with subtitles when I’m really sleepy
All posts in Things I Like More Than…
Things I Like More Than Being Tailgated By An Insane Furious Man Driving A Monster Truck Who I Can See Screaming At Me In My Rearview Mirror On A Winding Road That Is The Width Of A Nail File
Things I Like More Than Rand Paul
1. Severe turbulence
2. Moldy hominy
3. Vericose nose veins
4. Being Head of Public Relations for Cee Lo Green’s bloated tummy
5. Kayaking Niagara Falls wearing only false eyelashes
Things I Like More Than Caramelized Red Onions
1. Being debt-free
2. Getting world wide recognition for how cute my hairstyle is
3. A constant state of peace
4. Assurance from God that I’ll never have to watch a movie with Lea Thompson in it again
5. Having a dome of protection around me that repels drunk people that go “FUCK YEAH!”
Things I Like More Than the Song “Cat Scratch Fever”
1. Ten thousand nude nuns singing Happy Birthday to me at Denny’s
2. Murky bogs as venues
3. Day long flute solos
4. Kenny G concerts that consist solely of Radiohead covers
5. Resentful yodelers at my wedding
Things I Like More Than Getting Snagged In Conversation About Hillary Clinton’s Hairstyle With An Ornery Shit Faced Person That Spits When He Talks On New Year’s Eve
1. Clogged toilets
2. Pot holes that sprain my neck
3. Having a cough attack during a Pantomime group performance
4. Immersion blenders in my armpits
5. Sharks in my tub
