All posts in 100% Certainties

1. Birds fly south for the winter
2. Loni Anderson loved her some hairspray
3. When you call a company and the person who works at that company uses your name every other syllable like a zombie that’s been told that your own name is music to your own ears it makes you want to ask that person if they have your address because if they do you plan to move all your crap into one of those U-Haul POD things that are left in the street in order to give you enough time to hightail it out of the country where you plan to live, hidden and obscure, in a remote area of Iceland far, far away from the person who continues to recite your name like a diligent yet creepy chihuahua on speed.

1.  The Beach Boys had good harmony
2.  Fire burns
3.  Baby carrots are the Shetland Ponies of the vegetable world

1. The earth is round
2. Art Garfunkel has wispy hair
3. There is never a moment of the day or night when there are not several confusing sentences shooting out of Michele Bachmann’s ass

1. Santa Claus lives at the North Pole
2. Camilla Parker Bowles needs to use more conditioner
3. It takes exactly 2.5 hours for someone to scratch out the eyes of or draw devil horns on the head of any real estate agent that advertises on a bus stop

1. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west
2. Marv Albert is slowly morphing into a combination of Herman Munster, Sandy Duncan and Adam Sandler
3. There is never a moment of the day or night when there is not some determined employee somewhere trying to rally other fellow employees to stop being selfish slobs and start washing they’re own goddamn coffee cups.