All posts in 100% Certainties

Things Of Which I Am 100% Certain

1. Trees produce oxygen
2. Carbonated drinks make you burp
3. Eventually every human being on earth will appear in a Tyler Perry sitcom

Things Of Which I Am 100% Certain

1. The Mariana Trench is deep
2. Baked beans give you gas
3. Beavers are industrious
4. The army has rules
5. Wearing tube socks with open toed sandals is never, ever, ever a good idea

Things Of Which I Am 100% Certain

1. Birds fly south for the winter
2. Loni Anderson loved her some hairspray
3. When you call a company and the person who works at that company uses your name every other syllable like a zombie that’s been told that your own name is music to your own ears it makes you want to ask that person if they have your address because if they do you plan to move all your crap into one of those U-Haul POD things that are left in the street in order to give you enough time to hightail it out of the country where you plan to live, hidden and obscure, in a remote area of Iceland far, far away from the person who continues to recite your name like a diligent yet creepy chihuahua on speed.

Things Of Which I Am 100% Certain

1.  The Beach Boys had good harmony
2.  Fire burns
3.  Baby carrots are the Shetland Ponies of the vegetable world

Things of Which I Am 100% Certain

1. The earth is round
2. Art Garfunkel has wispy hair
3. There is never a moment of the day or night when there are not several confusing sentences shooting out of Michele Bachmann’s ass