All posts in 100% Certainties

Things Of Which I Am 100% Certain

1. Santa Claus lives at the South Pole
2. Camilla Parker Bowles needs to use more conditioner
3. It takes exactly 2.5 hours for someone to scratch out the eyes of or draw devil horns on the head of any real estate agent that advertises on a bus stop

Things Of Which I Am 100% Certain

1. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west
2. Marv Albert is slowly morphing into a combination of Herman Munster, Sandy Duncan and Adam Sandler
3. There is never a moment of the day or night when there is not some determined employee somewhere trying to rally other fellow employees to stop being selfish slobs and start washing they’re own goddamn coffee cups.

Things Of Which I Am 100% Certain

1. Cow tipping is cruel
2. kd lange likes herself some ladies
3. There is never a moment of the day or night when the parking lot of Trader Joes is not a three ring circus

Things Of Which I Am One Hundred Percent Certain

1. The universe is vast
2. Clogs don’t work on men
3. There is never a moment of the day or night when Click and Clack from Car Talk are not laughing so hard they have beverages spraying out their noses

Things Of Which I Am One Hundred Percent Certain

1. Clowns frighten toddlers
2. Sunscreen in my eyes makes me suffer
3. There is never a moment of the day or night when Hugh Jackman is not wearing that MADCAP gleeful expression