Hi. I’m a set of wind chimes and here is my to-do list:
1. Wake up, untangle limbs
2. Confirm doctor appointment for Restless Leg Syndrome check-up
3. Follow-up with Michael Flatley regarding audition for Riverdance
4. Attend Living Without Arms support group meeting
5. Tackle fourth chapter of memoir, No Knees, No Problem!
Hi. I’m a string of icicle Christmas lights and here is my To-Do list:
1. Wake up feeling worthless, wonder where it all went wrong
2. Do my stretching exercises in order to prevent my rigor mortis from spreading
3. Buy bottle of Pinot in preparation for attending Bob’s “I’m Getting Hung!” party
4. Remember to use the rubber band on my wrist to snap me out of psycho nostalgic thought tailspin
5. Work on my memoir, From Everywhere To Nowhere, finish chapter on how to create a fulfilling life living in a dark box
Hi. I’m Anthony Weiner’s weiner and here is my To-Do List:
1. Wake up feeling slouchy—wonder why Anthony always makes us stand up straight.
2. Confirm makeover appointment at Nordstorm. Need to find the right shade of foundation!
3. Attend “How To Smile On Command and Under Pressure” workshop in the alley behind house.
4. Nap for half an hour with cucumber slice on eye to reduce dark circles. Maybe find a low brimmed hat?
5. Finish second draft of memoir, Handsome Like Me.
Hi. I’m a grape and here is my To-Do List:
1. Wake up in the morning rolling downhill—remember to get new helmet
2. Attend “Avoid Injury From Fire Hose Strength Faucet Rinsing” class in left side of sink
3. Stockpile more gunpowder in preparation for tummy explosion when eaten
4. Buy snorkel for submersion in low-fat yogurt parfait
5. Check on grandma’s condition at bottom of colander
Hi. I’m the cow on Laughing Cow products and this is my To-Do List:
1. Wake up and start smiling, wonder if I’m going insane
2. Work on suggestion letter to marketing team (What does a cow wearing whorish dangly earrings have to do with cheese?)
3. Get map to underground Frown Rave from Bessie
4. Order Grin Damage face ointment online (need hoof-friendly computer!)
5. Attend Laughers Anonymous meeting