Would Clowny wear knee-hi white tube socks with blue stripes and pair them with open toed high heels? No, Clowny would never do this. Clowny believes wholeheartedly that shoes make statements and, more importantly, that socks can make or break an outfit so he is vehemently opposed to wearing tube socks with anything other than a hospital gown.
But, Clowny—what about wearing tube socks with thongs, sandals or tennis shoes and shorts?
The answer is no across the board. Tube socks should be primarily used for dusting your furniture.
Oh Clowny, in our hearts we know you’re right and, although we’d like to ask you a few questions about trouser socks, we’ll simply count our blessings for your tube sock wisdom and let you be on your way. Don’t forget that we love you Clowny and we admire your festive two-toned lipstick.
If Clowny were frequenting a Taco Bell in Barstow, would Clowny were a black t-shirt that says, in bright yellow letters:
SCORE THAT SHIT
ROLL THAT SHIT
SMOKE THAT SHIT
NO. Clowny would never wear this piece of apparel even if it were the last shirt in his closet. Clowny has a strong moral code and believes in dressing for success, regardless of the fact that he may be living in Barstow, ordering four Chalupas with extra cheese.
Furthermore, Clowny would never wear this shirt because it is rude and takes too long for other people to read and Clowny believes in being considerate at all times, especially when it comes to causing unnecessary eye strain.
Thank you Clowny. We love your various sets of eyebrows and feel safer, knowing we can always count on you.
If Clowny were the delightful proprietor of the pristine, perfectly organized neighborhood market, would Clowny think to himself “How can I make my customer’s experience that much more cozy and magical?” and then arrange for the store to be FILLED with wondrous Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Frank Sinatra and Django Reinhardt tunes so that when you’re wandering the skinny aisles you’re struck with that well-being feeling that comes from listening to La Vie En Rose, thereby upping your delightful factor by about a bazillion?
Why YES!, this is EXACTLY what Clowny would do because Clowny knows that there is always another way to make things that much more lovely even if just a few people notice.
Oh Clowny, you’re the smartest. Thank you for your wisdom. We don’t know what we’d do without you and your wispy permed hair.
Would Clowny dive bomb a lively conversation about favorite books and insist that Catcher In the Rye is, primarily, about baseball? No. Clowny would be opposed to this type of weirdo behavior. And would Clowny then go on, like a wolverine, and spout platitudes about how it is one hundred percent certain that J.D. Salinger wrote that book with the great American pastime in mind, holding on to this false theory even when swallowing mud while getting gulped up by an unruly, unforgivable tub of quicksand? Never. Clowny would recognize his ignorance immediately and shut his multi-colored gob, therefore allowing the others engaged in the conversation to continue talking without any unwanted and inaccurate schmutz.
Thank you Clowny for sharing your wisdom. We know that when we listen to you we will never be led astray.
Clowny would never screech into the Rite-Aid parking lot as if being carried by the hounds of hell, terrifying everyone within nine hundred miles. And Clowny would never gun the motor of his condominium shaped monster truck, making a VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! VROOOOOOOOOOM! sound that is certain to startle awake every creature who may have been napping from here to Uranus because that would just be a whole lotta rude as far as thoughtful Clowny is concerned, you know? that would just be downright wrong.
Thank you Clowny for your far-reaching wisdom and advice. We don’t know what we’d do without you Clowny. We appreciate you and your multi-colored U-shaped mouth.