There’s this thing that happens when someone dies. First, you’re all THERE IS NO WAY I CAN LIVE WITHOUT THIS PERSON ON THE EARTH TO ACCOMPANY ME BECAUSE THIS PERSON SOMEHOW SHIELDS ME FROM AWFULNESS and then you’re all WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? WHY? HOW? WHO? WHA? NO! and then you’re all I DON’T KNOW HOW OR WHEN BUT AS GOD IS MY WITNESS I AM GOING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS WHOLE YOU’RE DEAD THING AND STOP THIS CLOWN SHOW ONCE AND FOR ALL and then you’re all DO YOU KNOW WHERE I MIGHT FIND THE CLOSEST “PEOPLE WHO WEEP AND WAIL 24 HOURS A DAY” CLUB? NO? YOU DON’T KNOW? WELL SCREW YOU! and then you’re all TEE-HEE, DAT FUNNY, I KNOW MY DEAD PERSON CAN SEE ME LAUGHING AT THIS AND IS LAUGHING ALONG WITH ME ALSO and then you’re all I MISS YOU DEAD PERSON. THIS IS GETTING TIRED, WHAT WITH THE WHOLE NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN SEEING YOU. I DON’T LIKE THIS ARRANGEMENT.
And then, after several years that feel like minutes but at the same time feel like several Pleistocene Eras, you are minding your own business at Lincoln Hardware wondering if the 24 pound Appalachian looking man behind the counter has ever gone to a movie or had good cereal, you walk out to your car and happen to glance down to see AN EMPTY BAG OF CHEEZ-ITS LAYING ON THE GROUND.
And you are overcome with Dad Cheez-Its memories and you remember that today is several days before that day when you knew you were losing him forever and you stare at the Cheez-Its and you find some kind of New Orleans Voo-Doo comfort because you think THIS IS A SIGN and you wish people lived forever but you know they don’t and so you just snap a photo of your Dead Father’s Sign to You and you scurry on home to your family that is living. Which brings me to my point and my conclusion:
GRIEF IS AN UNWIELDY, CONFUSING, AWFUL, POLTERGEISTY, HUMBLING BEAST THAT WILL BRING YOU TO YOUR KNEES ON ALMOST EVERY OCCASION, DONTCHA THINK?
I Give Up, Mostly,
Frederica of The Figuring It Outs