Friday Conclusion

The other day I was lucky enough to be side by side with this Funk Mobile long enough to take its photo without killing anyone. I mean for the love of grand mol seizure green, how could I not?

I come from a long line of proud(ish) Pinto owners. Actually there are two Pintos in my past. One was a real classy white number with red interior and red piping on the outside and this was the car I drove when I wanted to appear wealthy. My mother ended up crashing this car so I turned my gaze upon the remaining triangley shaped ass mobile…

The other, tragic Pinto was a dull yellow without piping and the interior on this death trap was the color that I think of EVERY TIME my dog has diarrhea—kind of a mocha/nutty/beige-ish/70’s suede jacket hue. It didn’t go in reverse so my entire high school years were spent in the state of mind not unlike a master chess player thinking BLOCKS and CUL-DE-SACS and PARKING SPOTS ahead as if my life depended on it.

Additionally there was the whole Get-Hit-From-Behind: EXPLODE GO BOOM! component. Seeing as my anxiety was reeeeeeeeally gaining mach speed during my teen years, this added such joy to my driving. I was constantly looking in my rearview mirror trying to determine the reliability of the driver behind me. Killer? No Killer? Blown To Smithereens? Remain In One Piece?

Nevertheless, The Pintos got me around. They got me to Linda’s house—my best friend and savior. They got me to the hills overlooking the Valley where we would drive and drive and then stop and stare and ooooh and aaaah at the gorgeous lights. They got me to my first true love’s house, where I would find a spot to park that had at least twenty feet clearance behind The Pinto’s possibly explosive, incapable of reversing backside. And even though The Pintos were homely and dangerous I appreciated their ability to transport me to the places I longed to go where I might find a half inch of happiness and freedom and for that I will be forever grateful. Which brings me to my point and my conclusion:


I Love Ya Now Keep Yer Distance,
Petunia Petal To the Metal

22 Comments on "Friday Conclusion"

  1. The Farmer says:

    Holy Green Subcompact Car That’s Fucking Beautiful

  2. Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:


  3. The Pinto runs second to no other vehicle except maybe the Pacer.

  4. I had an old Ford station wagon once, parked it on a hill, and used the emergency brake….and then it would ONLY GO IN REVERSE.
    So, what’s a girl to do.
    Backed home.
    It took awhile. Cause every time a car came, you had to stop and pretend your car was broke down.
    Ah, the cars of our youth.

  5. CH and I had a Pinto. Red. We loved it. We had a VW Scirocco too. Red. My FIL had a lime green Pacer. Loved it too. Some old lady, like I am old now back-ended it while I was driving it.

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      OH MY GOD. Scirocco.

      • The Farmer says:

        We had a Scirocco. My dad traded in the little black MGB convertible that I drove around EVERYWHERE from ages 16-18 (he claimed I didn’t “deserve it”) (I didn’t) and bought a forest green Scirocco for my brother instead. And while that car was a pretty good car, I will retain a little anger and bitterness towards the Scirocco forever. That little MGB was PART OF ME. I have never loved a thing that much ever in my life.

        • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

          Marco, the guy who worked at The Shoe Corral and who I had a mad crush on, drove an MGB. Swoonerrific.

  6. Catalyst says:

    Yeah, we owned a Pinto once. It was kind of caramel colored. Hideous little car.

  7. The Mayor says:

    What the hell is the Farmer talking about? We never had a Scirocco! SHE had an elementary school friend named Joan SCROCCO and I think that is what she is thinking about. And I don’t think our little brother ever *drove* Joan Scrocco.

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      Please no fighting.

    • The Farmer says:

      What are you –on Mitt’s team now? Perhaps you might check your facts before discourse.
      If I was 18, you were ___ and away at ______, quite possibly unaware of car purchases back at the old homestead?? Joan was my friend in high school, not an elementary school friend. Sorry Cake, for sullying your post.

  8. Mitt R. says:

    Listen, you very confusing people – DON’T BRING MY NAME INTO IT. Because I have no idea what the hell a Gremlin or a Pinto is. Wasn’t that a movie???
    Gotta run, have to make sure Ann ironed my jeans the way I like them.

  9. Howling robin says:

    The farmer and the mayor really need to take this off line. I had a massage today, and your bickering is threatening to erase my glowy/happy feeling. But seriously folks, I was in an accident in 1974 in which the rear end of my mother’s pinto was brutally smashed in by a Lincoln continental. Or maybe it was a Buick, either way, it was big. Afterward, the Pinto’s spare tire was wedged between the front seats! People appeared out of nowhere, shouting “Get out of the car!” (In my stunned state I had no idea that there was gasoline all over the road.). We did, and I made that awkward call to my mom, and the worst part of it was the two black eyes that I had for a week, and the tiny scar on my nose that I have today. No fiery death or disfigurement. Yay! About a year later, the pinto was recalled and all the horrible stories came out. In the darkest days of my life since, I have had this to look back on and say “I am one lucky girl, whew.”

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      I think you speak for Pinto Survivors everywhere when you say “whew.” And I know The Farmer and The Mayor won’t shut their traps.

      • The Farmer says:

        If you can’t bicker with your sister, with whom can you bicker?

        • Cupcake Murphy says:

          No one but also look how all the stuff that was scrolling down the side outside of the column is now neatly inside like it should be? Do you think there’s a ghost?