Monday Judgements and Warnings

Ridin’ along on my cowgirl journey I’ve noticed several things. First of all, I’m not a cowgirl. I like my baths and my Le Creuset dutch oven and my washing machine and stampeding horses tend to scare the bejesus out of me but there ARE several things I have learned along this winding, crazy, humid path and that is that there are a handful of forbidden sentences that exist in the world that, if uttered, make you instantly unpopular and unhip. Like, if you blurt these doozers out, there are slews of people who will immediately look upon you as a dork:

1. I hate skiing
2. If you look at George Clooney really closely, you’ll realize he’s a homely man
3. I think UGG boots make you look like a Clydesdale
4. I miss Merlot
5. Fifty Shades of what?

Eventually You Gotta Be You,
Wendy Whatever

13 Comments on "Monday Judgements and Warnings"

  1. The Farmer says:

    Exactly.

  2. claudia w says:

    But…what if you do hate skiing?

  3. Midlyfemama says:

    Seriously. I have said all of those things except the Clooney comment. But now that you have brought it to my attention, I cannot think anything else.

    Did you ever catch him in his The Facts Of Life days? Not just homely, he was that dude that if you brought him home your dad would be pulling out the shot gun and your mother would spill things on him at dinner. He was smarmy AND had bad hair.

  4. I…. I actually DO miss merlot.

    There.

  5. I miss being able to act like a frustrated twenty year old.

  6. The Zadge says:

    Imagine #1 and you live in freakin’ Colorado. And you tell people when they ask, “oh, I really don’t like skiing”, and then they gawk at you in disbelief and say, “oh my gawd, you are really missing out!” and then you have to go all bitchy on their ass and say,”why would I be missing out by NOT doing something I hate and, oh by the way, I’ve seen George Clooney in real life and he is TOTALLY AVERAGE.”

  7. That’s why I wore my friend’s Uggs in my last rap video. So I could look just like a beautiful, Milwaukee’s Best 40 ounce-drinking Clydesdale.