Monday Judgements and Warnings

In a dream last night I had a vision.

And in the dream that I had a vision there was a Fairy wearing sparkles all over its body. I could not tell if the fairy was male or female and when I asked, “Madam or Sir?” the Fairy took a swig from the Diet Peach Snapple it was carrying in a rhinestone pistol holder and said “Fairies are one thing: Modern.”

And then the Fairy became very vision-ey and started to float above the glass of water I keep near my bed and suddenly UNFURLED a banner in one of its little Fairy hands as well as a teeny fan in the other hand to keep the banner flowing as if it were flying in the breeze and the banner said:

YOU AND THE REST OF HUMANITY WILL NEVER BE AS HOT AND SMOLDERY SEXY-POT SEXY AS THAT SEXY HOT-POT SMOLDERY HIPS LADY, SHAKIRA!

And then the androgynous Fairy dropped the banner (“This thing is fucking heavy!” it said) in my water and flitted away in a trail of colorful aqua and orange lights, humming the song the Bon Jovi song Livin’ On a Prayer.

Never Say You Were Not Forewarned,
Doris With the Dream Catcher

8 Comments on "Monday Judgements and Warnings"

  1. I love that your dreams are as colorful as mine! I need to write about the time I co-starred in Wayne’s World.

  2. The Zadge says:

    Remember “Pat” from SNL? Sounds like your fairy.

  3. You, Cupcake, are a total trip.

    • PJ says:

      Right, Ace, but not the kind of trip where you are sitting in the backseat with your skanky sister. The kind where you are with your wild but wise friend and you’re just free and loose on the road.