Monday Judgements and Warnings

Ok, so we all know there are certain givens in life:

1. Death
2. Taxes
3. You MUST love skiing

HOWEVER if you not only don’t like skiing but actually HATE it there are certain ways you can communicate this to your wolverine drooling ski crazed friends without being run out of town by an angry mob.

You can mention that you would rather eat tin foil than ski while the smoke alarm is going off and in this way it is very likely that no one will hear you.

You can pantomime that you hate skiing and all of your Ski Or Die! friends will just think you had a bit too much brandy.

You can wake your friends up, on by one, early in the morning and scream into their faces like Joan Crawford yelled at her children about wire hangers I HATE SKIIING-OH GOD I HATE IT-I HATE IT OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD I HATE…!!!!! and then collapse in a heap of sob and in this way you’ll just set the stage for your friends to never dare question you about this psychotic outburst again.

See? There’s a Game Plan For Everything,
Pippi of the Prepared

10 Comments on "Monday Judgements and Warnings"

  1. claudia w says:

    My friends would all expect the Joan Crawford way out of it from me. I do it to them all the time about everything!

  2. The Zadge says:

    Oh Pippi, I’ve needed that Joan Crawford tip since I moved to effing “Oh My Gawd What A Powder Day” Colorado five years ago.

    ABHOR. SKIING. ALMOST. AS. MUCH. AS. THE. SKI. FANATICS.

  3. The Farmer says:

    Yet one more thing that bonds us.

    And you said Pippi. Oh how I loved my fiercely independent whackadoodle freckled little Swede Pippi Longstocking with the strength of ten policemen when I was a little odd lass myself. I DEVOURED those books and think now that I will have to read them to Fin today. Thanks Pippi. Keep on chewing that tinfoil.

  4. MidLyfeMama says:

    If my friends cannot handle that I have no intention of bashing my head in Sonny Bono style, or breaking any number of limbs by flinging myself at high speeds down the side of ice and snow covered slope, then they can stuff it. I have lived in New England the bulk of my life and have never strapped a ski to my feet, ever. I won’t even ice skate at this point. I can fall standing still in bare feet. It is my special talent. I don’t need help.