Monday Judgements and Warnings

I’m not saying that there are absolutes in life but there ARE several guidelines sent down from heaven that, if you have any marbles in your head, you should do your best to abide by:

1. No all bright pink lady business suits
2. No corn rows on white people
3. No sweatpants paired with pumps or mules
4. No bleached yellowish hair
5. No sunglasses that are larger than the hood of your car

That Will Be All For Today,
Professor Motherfucker Please

12 Comments on "Monday Judgements and Warnings"

  1. The Zadge says:

    Bo Derek is coming after your ass.

  2. 6: No tucking if your pants come above your belly button
    7: No purple and orange in the same outfit unless you’re a tribal elder or in first grade
    8: No more boob overflow, please get fitted for a brassiere

  3. claudia w says:

    9.Get a back bra if you need it.
    10. No shorts, socks and sandals together on the same day.

  4. I used to work with scores of people that wore heels with sweatpants. They are called software engineers. Fun fact: they use men’s t-shirts as maternity wear.

  5. PJ says:

    And nothing, ever, at any time, printed across your ass. Especially the word juicy. We don’t want to think about it.

  6. MidLyfeMama says:

    I made a grievious error in judgement once. I was much younger and stupider then. I bought a red pantsuit. I had had a very lovely burgundy Oscar de la Renta suit once, but with a skirt, so I figured a pantsuit will be fine. Somehow the fact that this was not burgundy, but candy apple red just passed me by. I wore this suit in its entirety exactly once. And got hit on immediately by the one lesbian instructor on campus. NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I simply don’t play for that team. But there was an audible cracking sound when she saw me across the quad on campus, did a full on double take and made a bee line for me.

    I learned several important lessons that day. Do not wear a suit that one can use as a beacon to land aircraft. Do wear it if you would like the attention of a certain instructor of the English language at a certain college. Also, have handy a polite way to decline unexpected flirtatious advances.