Monday Judgements and Warnings

Thanks for meeting me hear in this dark and dangerous alley to discuss one of the most common reasons that people may unfriend you on Facebook. I hope you have your notepads and pens handy because I’m only going to say this once and then, after I’ve said it, I’m going to throw my cape over my face and run away as fast as I can. I won’t be able to take questions. As a matter of fact, I’m risking my reputation just by being here so keep that in mind should you think about following me. Once this is over, we were never here and you don’t know me.

Here’s the deal:
When you’re having a conversation with someone, a group of people or even your elderly grandmother, when you divulge the fact that you love The Eagles and you start talking about how your song with your significant other is Best of My Love—the people you’re talking to don’t hear your actual words. Their ears and spleen shut down. What they actually hear you saying is:

1. I’m a Scientologist.
2. I’m not wearing underwear.
3. Can you help me get the toe jam out of my toes?
4. I have the second largest doll collection in the world.
5. I think Charles Manson got a bad rap.

End of story. No way around it.

Go Forth and Withhold Personal Information,
Susannah Secretive

9 Comments on "Monday Judgements and Warnings"

  1. PJ says:

    Where were you a week ago when I cancelled my Facebook account and people kept asking me why, oh why? Do you not want to live anymore? I could have simply told them I could feel my spleen shutting down. End of story.

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      You may have no spleen but you’re freeeeeeeeee!

      • PJ says:

        Really. There is a book to be written about what it feels like to divorce Facebook. The ramifications are deep and wide. I think it’s like quitting smoking for some people. You never quite lose that little inkling in the back of your mind that it’s out there somewhere. Simply for the taking.

  2. The Zadge says:

    Oh, god, Best of My Love is one of my favorite late 70s memories. But I SWEAR I am not a Scientologist, have no toe jam, or doll collections, and think Manson should be fried. I can’t comment on #2.

  3. I react that way when someone wants to tell me the plot of a TV show. One I did not watch.

  4. midlyfemama says:

    And they may stab you violently if you insist on playing the Eagles overandoveranoverandover again.