As you may or may not know, I have been involved in the scientific research having to do with Why Olive Garden Restaurants Are So Scary and, after months of research involving a pack of golden retrievers, flying drones and people connected to Stephen J. Hawking, I am ready to reveal my findings regarding the terrifying aspects of this supposed family friendly eatery.
Why Olive Garden Restaurants Are So Scary:
1. Salad croutons from Planet of the Apes.
2. Ordering tomato cream penne pasta special requires texting local emergency room because: cream, arteries.
3. Bread, bread, more bread, bread sticks, bread rolls, bread with butter, bread with bread and more bread with more butter.
4. Plastic vegetables.
5. Bustling atmosphere shrouds fact that all dishes = heavy cream.