My Morning Walk

On my morning walk I saw an insane highway marauder squirrel who tried to dive-bomb me and Cooper and it reminded me of when I lived in Pasadena and had the misfortune of tangling with Eddie a bi-polar squirrel who had a Reign of Terror so intense that I contemplated building a panic room.

I first “met” Eddie The Killer when I was lounging in the side yard, enjoying the green plastic Adirondack chair I had purchased from Target for approximately nine cents when suddenly Eddie appeared, sitting like a rhino, at the VERY TOP of a rose bush.  He swayed back and forth like he was on one of those circus poles, except he was more like a criminal than a clown and just as I was thinking “There is no way a squirrel would actually attack me” he catapulted like a rocket straight off the flimsy branch he had been on and CHARGED at me like a lion and I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran to my neighbor’s house seeking refuge and a shot of whiskey to calm my nerves.

Eddie’s specialty was surprise ambush attacks however he also adored tipping potted plants over and destroying anything made of rattan. He and I had a relationship not unlike Rooster Cogburn and Tom Chaney in True Grit and, looking back on the ruthless unrelenting danger games that Eddie played with me, I am not sure how I survived.

He Gon’ Git Ya,
Lucinda Locked Doors

8 Comments on "My Morning Walk"

  1. Penne says:

    At least Eddie has the guts to look you in the eye and attack. The little bastards here just wait until you’re sleeping, or reading, or enjoying a beer margarita and then they climb under your vehicle and eat all the wires that make the car go. Or eat the cushions on your outdoor furniture. Or poop purply poop all over the sidewalk because they ate all your chokecherries that you really wanted to make jelly with. A-holes. On a brighter note, I am so happy you survived to write this cautionary tale for others.

  2. Catalyst says:

    Maybe you should feed them some nuts.

  3. The Zadge says:

    I think Eddie has transplanted to Colorado because some marauding squirrel this week chewed off two of the pickets on my new fence! Apparently, I need more rattan around to save my fence.

    • The Farmer says:

      I’m no animal physiologist but I’m pretty sure little squirrel mouths can’t chew off whole pickets. I hate to tell you but I think you may have a lion lurking about. Or a lab.

  4. MidLyfeMama says:

    We have seen a decided decrease in the squirrel population in our neighborhood. The fisher cat/large ferocious weasel with a penchant for eating tasty tasty squirrels who moved into our neighborhood might have something to do with that. The fact it also attacked and killed the neighbor girl’s pet rabbit, which was in a hutch out in the back yard like it was some sort of furry morsel of take out in a wire to go box is a small price to pay as far as I am concerned.