On my morning walk I saw an insane highway marauder squirrel who tried to dive-bomb me and Cooper and it reminded me of when I lived in Pasadena and had the misfortune of tangling with Eddie a bi-polar squirrel who had a Reign of Terror so intense that I contemplated building a panic room.
I first “met” Eddie The Killer when I was lounging in the side yard, enjoying the green plastic Adirondack chair I had purchased from Target for approximately nine cents when suddenly Eddie appeared, sitting like a rhino, at the VERY TOP of a rose bush. He swayed back and forth like he was on one of those circus poles, except he was more like a criminal than a clown and just as I was thinking “There is no way a squirrel would actually attack me” he catapulted like a rocket straight off the flimsy branch he had been on and CHARGED at me like a lion and I screamed at the top of my lungs and ran to my neighbor’s house seeking refuge and a shot of whiskey to calm my nerves.
Eddie’s specialty was surprise ambush attacks however he also adored tipping potted plants over and destroying anything made of rattan. He and I had a relationship not unlike Rooster Cogburn and Tom Chaney in True Grit and, looking back on the ruthless unrelenting danger games that Eddie played with me, I am not sure how I survived.
He Gon’ Git Ya,
Lucinda Locked Doors