What I Tell Myself

wonderfulConnect to your wonderful.

Saturday SlobberLove

liteSometimes on Saturday, after a break-of-dawn skirmish with a dragonfly that screeches out of nowhere and tries to fly up our nostrils, we like to take it easy for the rest of the afternoon inside where we try to believe our mother as she assures us that nothing that awful will ever happen to us again.

Precariously Yours,
Ronald Reluctant

Things I Don’t Understand, Items 899 thru 901

899. Suspenders
900. Parasailing
901. The people who say they were abducted by UFOs people

Cooper Being Anthony Hopkins In Silence of the Lambs

lambsIn this terrifying scene, the actor takes advantage of the opportune placement of his face mask and nibbles off all of his captors pinky toes without missing a beat.

The Cupcake Lessons

As you may or may not know, I am a scientist as well as an anthropologist and have recently discovered a document that contains some lesser known acronyms that were recently unearthed under that creepy 7-11 on Lincoln across from Staples. I thought they might be of some use to humanity so I am sharing them here:

Should I Get Bangs?

Have a Really Painful Ingrown Toenail, Can’t Meet For Drinks.

Laughing So Hard I Urinated On Myself.

I Can See Your Eye Teeth When You Smile Really Wide.

Weeeeeee! Making Cinnamon Toast.

That’s So Cool That You Wear Your UGG Boots Even Though It’s One Hundred Degrees In the Shade.

Did You Get a Facelift?

Your Cousin Seems Like an Alcoholic.

Don’t Go All Klaus Barbie On Me Now.

That Is So Funny It Makes Me Go Oh My God That Is So Funny.

I Don’t Care If You’re a Vegan, That Shade of Yellow Still Washes You Out.

Please Pass the Aged Himalayan Sea Salt.

Good Luck With That, Then,
Professor Cupcake