Things I Don’t Understand, Items 933 thru 935

933. False eyelashes
934. When things taste like other things smell
935. Why cable ads for local restaurants are so depressing

Saturday SlobberLove

couchSometimes on Saturday, after a sudden downpour ruins our chances for a carefree bowel movement on our morning walk, we like to squish ourselves into the creases of the living room sofa while periodically making sure to open our eyes in order to keep track of our mother.

Yours In Constant Surveillance,
Oren the Observer

Things I Don’t Understand, Items 930 thru 932

930. How Ken Burns kind of looks like he’s a toddler and an old man all at the same time
931. When people put smiley faces over i’s
932. Pez

Cooper Being Jabba the Hut in Star Wars

JabbaRegardless of his girth, the infamous gangster asks for more treats in between scenes.

Things I Like More Than Having a Bernie Supporter Tell Me That Bernie Is Going To Be President Because He Was “Sent From On High”

1. Bunions
2. Fruit flies
3. Having something go down the wrong pipe while dining at an intimate restaurant
4. Getting stuck in an elevator
5. Losing my luggage