Questions For Suze Orman

1. Do you ever stop talking?
2. Say someone has $6.50 left over after paying their bills for the month—do you recommend that that person slide that $6.50 on over into an IRA or do you advise that person to use the $6.50 to buy butter?
3. In the middle of the night, when you are sleeping, are you NOT talking then?
4. When you are cooking up malarkey ways to order people around about what to do with their money do you ever think “What the hell am I talking about?”….?
5. When you and Oprah are planning what latest piece of wisdom you are going to pull out of your ass on her show, does she ever call you Soozinator?
6. Do you have batteries in your eyes and this is why you look sort of glowy, in a she-gonna-go-postal way?

Let me know,
Marty the Janitor

4 Comments on "Questions For Suze Orman"

  1. TWISTED SUSAN says:

    Suze Orman rots.

    My original comment included an exclamation point but I didn’t like it, so I deleted it.

  2. PJ says:

    Wait. Suze Orman is real?

  3. Suze Orman is my second cousin twice-removed. So I have a couple of answers for you.
    #2: Suze would buy the butter. Because she likes to smear it on the inside of her partner’s thighs and then lick it off (while she is talking about bond futures).
    #6: The reason Suze’s eyes light up so strangely is twofold: she wears one of those butterfly vibrators in her pants and it is constantly working on level “high”, and she has also convinced her doctor that she has ADD so that he will prescribe her amphetemines. This is how she keeps her girlish figure.