Sunday Secret

The main thing I’ve learned about being a Worrier is that it makes your heart softer. It makes you aware of the wild eyed old lady on the corner with the mismatched tube socks. It makes you linger just a minute longer in the detergent aisle at Whole Foods until you feel fine about the father who seems to be working himself into a violent lather because his daughter threw something unwanted into their cart. It makes you wake up in the middle of the night hoping you’ll be able to hold your own when the sun shines—that you’ll be able to focus on the part of you that dwells in Whatever. It makes you wonder about who is about to be enveloped in unmanageable awfulness when you hear a siren. It makes you aware, in your peripheral vision, of the angry old man berating the homeless guy in the wheelchair who you happen to know loves Kurt Vonnegut.

It makes you be ruthlessly careful and safe and controlling. Over and over and over again.

It makes you feel like the ocean. It makes you feel unwanted and unloved and annoying.

It makes you acutely aware of all the What If’s and Uh-Oh’s and natural disasters and initially you attempt to investigate imagined lost limbed outcomes with others but you quickly understand that your worry is yours and yours alone and so you burrow a velvet chasm into your chest that leads to a tunnel toward your heart and in this way you are able to cultivate your own shaky ability to whisper your version of hero encouragement into your own nervous ear.

Yours In Helmets,
Wilhelmina Watch Out

17 Comments on "Sunday Secret"

  1. PJ says:

    Sweet Heart, you have made me speechless.

  2. candace says:

    Yes…deep breath…that about says it all.

  3. Are you writing a book? Because you should be sharing your unique voice with the whole world. I mean it, girl. Really.

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      Thank you Hilary. I write and write and who knows where it will lead. I love reading what you write. So maybe someday we’ll both write books!

  4. PJ says:

    And, stunning photo. Thank you.

  5. I’m keeping this close for the next time I awaken in the middle of the night, waiting for the sun to rise.

  6. Andrea says:

    You just gently and non-judgmentally described how I operate much of the time.

  7. Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

    Thank you everyone. Sometimes when I write something like this I WORRY it will be misunderstood but I write anyway and I think that may be the whole point.

  8. The Zadge says:

    I’m so not a worrier, at all, just a jump out there and attack life sort of gal, but I seriously worry, WORRY that the world will not read and laugh and cry and fret along with the gorgeous voice of the Cupcake.

  9. Suzanne says:

    Wow girl… you are seriously in my head. I worry that one day you and I will be in a bell tower seeking revenge from all these evil doers, but I hope that you’ll share my bell tower, because you make me laugh, when you’re not making me cry.