Sunday Secret

This is a photograph of how the outside world feels to me whenever I get really sick—the kind of sick that includes 3 AM flop sweats and waves of militant diarrhea that only a Samurai could battle. The kind of sick that prevents interest in television or books or anything other than staring.

“Is there still sky outside?” I ask the ceiling.

Mostly I can’t remember what it feels like to be well. It’s like trying to remember the freezing cold of winter in the middle of a hot and humid summer.

Even though the worst of the sweatiness passes and I start to recall that there are foods that aren’t beige, it takes me an inordinate amount of time to feel spry again and trust that I’m going to be A-Ok and, like how Oprah knows all those things she knows for sure, I am 100% certain that the older I get the more like a large middle-aged baby I become.

Isabel the Infant 7-Up Addict

12 Comments on "Sunday Secret"

  1. claudia w says:

    Hope you are better soon!

  2. The Farmer says:

    When I was sick last month (similarly, sans the militant D, thank the lordy) I stumbled gingerly outside that first day I was “normal” again and the thing that hit me (almost like a wave of militant D, but in a good way) was how big and blue and spectacular the sky was and thought My god, we live underneath that giant piece of artwork every day and who even considers it, really?? The color of sky– often cleverly referred to as “sky blue”– is difficult to find in nature– I know, I search–as if the whole palette was used up making the sky and there is none left over. (Although Paul Newman got his.) We talk about taking things FOR GRANTED.

  3. MidLyfeMama says:

    That sounds fun. Or the opposite of that. I hope you feel betterer soon.

  4. Oh, Cupcake, I’m so sorry you’re sick! Please get well soon. The sky is still here, and the trees, waiting for you. XO

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      Thank you Jennifer. I can’t wait to be with my neighbors The Trees again. I am almost all better!

  5. Catalyst says:

    Oh, quit whining!

    Oops, sorry, Cupcake. Actually I know just how you feel. I always think the ultimate goal of my rare sicknesses . . . is imminent death!

  6. PJ says:

    I can always tell the difference between a bacterial and a viral infection because when it is viral I also have panic/terror with it. I’ll never be well again. I am so frightened. It’s only going to get worse and worse and worse and then it will get worse. When it’s bacterial I just feel sick.

    I know, my doctor wouldn’t believe me either. If I told her. Which I will not. Because she doesn’t need any more reasons to think I’m nuts.

    We’ll all put on our celebratory scarves now that you are on the mend.

  7. That photo reminds me of last summer. VERTIGO for 9 straight months. I know of how you feel; I’m so glad I ran the gauntlet of that nastiness, and I hope you do too! XOXO