Sunday Secret

If I told you what goes on inside this raucous brain of mine I’m not sure you would believe me. Oh it’s caused me so much pain and covered me over with such ruthless paranoia and suffocating doubt and the belief that I am separate that it doesn’t seem worth anything to perpetuate its energy. I’ve struggled my whole life with that part of myself that rises up in the form of a thought army—and battles against me.

I think the thing that saved me was that I never believed that I was not on my own side. There has always been a part of me that knew I belonged because that is what I wished for.

So as I soften and I am able to actually SEE the fence that I am standing behind that keeps me what I think is happy and alone I am also able to see the gorgeous wide open space beyond myself and I can see people far off in the distance and I can catch a glimpse of the endless ocean and the sand that throws itself on the ground to greet it and I can say I’m grateful for my endurance and I’m thankful for all the wonderful, spacious things.

Ain’t Be No Mummy Life For Me,
DJ Dopester B Undefensive ‘N Open

11 Comments on "Sunday Secret"

  1. claudia w says:

    I can only imagine what is happening in your head.
    My brain keeps interrupting me.
    I still battle myself sometimes and I think I may be on the enemies’ side most times.
    I’ll hang in there, if you’ll hang in there!

  2. Midlyfemama says:

    The lies our brains tell us, especially in the dark of night, are most profoundly the hardest ones to refute. But you ARE GOOD and not alone and I am so grateful you are out here to be found!

  3. How curious. I hope you’re curling your bare toes in the warm sand and feeling better about yourself.

  4. Hilary says:

    You really do deserve to happy as a pig in poop.
    You know that, right?

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      Hil: Yes, I am familiar with that velvet chaise lounge part of my consciousness that believes that totally. You are one person that reminds me of what’s really important so Word To Yer Muther or Whatever. You know what I’m saying soldier.

  5. Clowny would say, see that cigarette butt over yonder beyond the fence? That there ciggie is purty ugly, but SOMEONE appreciated it enough to give it one long, big, wet kiss til it flamed out.

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      If I weren’t wed already I’d ask you for your hand in marriage due to the fact that you mentioned Clowny.