Sunday Secret

CalaverasPathMy process of becoming undone started in my late twenties.  My process of unraveling and questioning and deciding to be awake came over me like a sledgehammer.  For all I’d learned and all I’d endured, I knew that, if I were going to survive, I needed to be a potent observer and learner.  So I made a decision to take several steps down a path that I felt would lead me to myself.  I’m still on that lush, gorgeous, solitary road.  I’m still generally overwhelmed by letting go and accepting but, most of all, I’m determined to keep moving forward toward that thing that will deliver me—lay me out at the feet of myself, saying “I still have more questions” so because of that I always have a place to go.  I always have a mini-journey I take every day that has a confused yet hopeful hue to it.

My struggle has been to keep on going.  My struggle has been to remember that I matter.  My struggle has been to be comfortable in my own skin while I’m foraging for clarity on my winding, unwieldy route.

But when I stop and rest on my laurels, when I stop and take an inventory of all the unraveling that I’ve allowed myself to let happen I see that, if nothing else, I’ve surrounded myself with comfort and I’ve never not told myself You Are Going To Be Okay and when I conjure up that philosophy it frees me up to stand up straight and gaze at the good things and people that surround me and I have no doubt that the place I am going is the place that I am meant to be.

Grab Your Compass, Let’s Go,
Sheila of the Shuffling Forward

2 Comments on "Sunday Secret"

  1. PJ says:

    Out of all the choice points in the post above I will choose to say that yes, you matter, Cupcake. More than you know.

    I went to a funeral today for a dynamic, talented, 51 year old friend. She mattered. A lot. So do you.

    Also, are there mosquitoes on that path?

  2. Cupcake Murphy says:

    Sorry about your friend, PJ.