Sunday Secret

rainbowI was a breech birth. My first moments on Earth were spent with a cord wrapped tight around my neck, unable to breath and quite determined to save my own hide.  I like to think that this experience was 1. my way of turning myself around so that I would hit the ground running and 2. the world’s way of making me immediately grateful for wonderful stunning and precious things.

If I weren’t such a cowardly worrier I’d call myself a Warrior of Wonder. A Forager of Fine Things. A Searcher of Spectacular Specimens. People, places, books, cloth napkins, candles, soft blankets, sweet people, good books, nourishing meals, smiles that validate—these have been the talismans that I seek in order to justify the dark and deep confusion I feel in many moments. Many fearful, bleak, dense moments when I feel absolutely separate from all that is thriving.

But I’m always able to scrounge up some bits of courage to push myself forward toward soul sustenance. As a matter of fact, every time I’ve fallen (or in my weary mind: been pushed) into the abyss I gather up my prized pieces of sustenance and I make a moat of safety. And this never fails to keep me going. To keep me in the game for just a bit longer. To keep my believing that the color of the sky is enough for me to never lose faith. Until I stumble, once again for the five millionth time, and I am presented with the opportunity to pick myself up and get myself back on track, determined to complete the journey, ever grateful for the challenge.

Yours In Gorgeous,
Thelma Thank You

6 Comments on "Sunday Secret"

  1. PJ says:

    A hard birth. The first moments of life suffocating. Less than well-mothered (from what I gather). And yet such beauty comes out of your basically worried soul. What is it about life that makes us work so hard to save our own physical and spiritual hides? And what do people do who don’t live around rocks and trees and water and short brown dogs?

  2. Cupcake, THIS is gorgeous. And so is that photo.

    Please picture me offering a joyous and validating smile.

  3. MidLyfeMama says:

    It is hard not to be worried when you had to start your conscious life outside the womb worried about a basic nessessity. I wonder what it says about me that I was taking my time arriving in this world, and waited until the precise moment that my father left to get lunch, egg salad sandwich by the way, and then I made my entrance.

    You are a wonderful and special soul. I am so glad I found my way to you and this corner of the internet you tend.

  4. Cupcake Murphy says:

    xoxo to you three people.

  5. I could see this turning into a longer essay…sounds like you have more to say about it! Fascinating to think about how our first moments in the world can often bring us insight.