Sunday Secret

CloudI’d never tell anyone this but there is a component of my psyche that gets flat out buried by worry and grief.  I can’t tell you how it starts.  I never know, once it starts, when it will end. I’ve experimented with reasoning with it and I’ve tried many times to attempt to conquer it but none of these strategies ever seem to work.

The main thing I know is that it needs space to breath. And it doesn’t necessarily want my input.

So, when it creeps up on me, covering over everything that had previously been inconsequential and fine, I make a point to go slower. I try to remember that the sky still exists. I remind myself that the funnel I’ve slipped into will eventually give, allowing me to think and feel and find my way to a new and gentle perspective.

I’ve come to admire it—the way it thrashes its way into my heart, determined to set up camp forever. But I’ve known it for so long, that each time it comes to clobber me with its fear and paranoia and dread, I look at as a chance to show it how nice I’ve made things, how comfortable and vast things are in here and how, even though I may not seem like I’m happy to see it, I’ll never tire of our perspective shifting visits.

Onward and Outward Then,
Ophelia Oy Vey

14 Comments on "Sunday Secret"

  1. PJ says:

    I’m going to print this and paste it in my beautiful things journal.

  2. I’m so sorry for people who have these feelings of dread. SWMBO shares your “black dog” but seems to have it mainly under control these days.

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      It seems to be a reckless companion that you either have or don’t have. I’ve a feeling I’d have a lot to talk about with your SWMBO.

  3. When my anxiety has me up in the middle of the night wringing my hands like Lady Macbeth I remember that there’s a million other people up with me. You’re not alone, Cupcake.

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      You know, that’s one of the thoughts that helps. Not alone. Doesn’t CURE or CEASE but HELPS.

  4. The Zadge says:

    I am the Un-Worrier but was raised in a loving family of Huge-Worriers so just give me a call and I’ll put your worries to bed. And maybe your cute Argentinian friend too.

  5. I always feel better that people on both coasts and in the middle of the country are right there with me, awake in the Lone Star State.

  6. MidLyfeMama says:

    I find that if I can stop that oogly boogly oingy boingy feeling in my gut from being all oogly boogly oingy boingy by drinking some hot green and mint tea, doing some serious yoga stretching and bending and breathing breathing breathing down into the pit of doom in my gut, usually I can chase the gremlins back into their drawer for a while. It is not permanent, but I get better at it each time I have to do it.