Sunday Secret

The strategy I use for making myself feel safe when I so often don’t has to do with switching my scardy person mindset to valiant person mindset because when I do this—when I pretend that I am relaxed and plucky and I am not going to die and I concentrate on the vast horizon—IT MOSTLY NEVER FAILS—I gather my scraggly composure and I muddle through like a champion.

If I told you how often I needed to employ this strategy during the day you wouldn’t believe me.

I only know that I’ve developed a keen sense of what it takes to deal with me. What it takes to see me through and not turn away from myself. I’ve learned that I don’t necessarily believe in brave so much as I do awake and that the most daunting thing can, at first glance, seem the most simple.

I’ve accepted that my jumbled worried heart is acutely reluctant about and fearful of death because I so badly want to see how it all turns out. I want to remain here, unscathed and trying. I want to continue forward for a good while longer, conjuring up that dreamy weird alone-but-together-with-the-whole-world feeling that the only thing that truly matters is that we’re all doing the best we can.

Yeah So Whatever,
Morbid Neighbor Lady

8 Comments on "Sunday Secret"

  1. Peggy Strack says:

    It’s true. We often run away from ourselves. Great reminder and a great site. I’ll be back! Peggy

  2. Natalka Sharman says:

    Why is it those of us from difficult families seem to have a more acute fear and dread of death than others? That we more desperately want to be around? Is it because we feel that so much of our life was hijacked by other people’s needs that there will not be enough for us? I don’t know, but I think about it a lot.

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      I think that’s it—the hijacked part. Can’t tell you how much I love reading that someone can relate! Thanks.

  3. PJ says:

    …muddle through like a champion. I really get that. Thanks for this great post, Cupcake.

  4. The Zadge says:

    Hey Ms. Morbid Neighbor Lady, are those your California mountains or my Colorado ones? In any case, glad we both share such magnificent natural shrines to bow before and show our scardy selves.

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      Those are Carmel Valley mountains. Way way way way high up. The Zadge would LOVE Carmel Valley (if she already doesn’t) I swear the sun shines different there. It’s like there is more space.