All my life I’ve chased tranquility. Whether it’s been that feeling of well-being when I first open my eyes in the morning or the knowingness that, regardless of my worrying monkey mind, I know that it will all work out fine.
I can’t imagine finding my way to peaceful without getting my hands dirty in drama and unrest. I’ve studied anxiety and I’ve been a student of What If? until my heart bled and because of that I can finally say I am in the same territory where restful days and nights reside.
To work, with the goal of not working, is an interesting process. But I get it now, I think. Stillness even if there is restlessness. No acting out from a place of rage or high-on-my-horse defensiveness. Whittling away at that place in my stomach that takes all things personally. It’s all added up to this bumpy road that I’ve followed toward knowing what calms me and now, when I remember how I used to be drawn to all that detoured myself away from myself, I feel a grateful sigh of relief when I notice that my heart, in its deepest compartments, only wants to be calm.
You Can Relax Now, It’s Recess,