The Cupcake Lessons

NancyTheGhoulAs Hollow Wienie approaches, I’ve arranged for Nancy the Ghoul to share her Five Essential Behaviors of Successful Goblins. Not that it really matters, but Nancy threatened to put a curse on my family if I did not pay her per second for putting this list together and only acquiesced when I threatened to take her off my door and throw her in the garbage, but I just thought that, as an FYI, that would add to the horror here.

Nancy the Ghouls Five Essential Behaviors of Successful Goblins:
1. Have a scary expression. Not an expression that is mildly unsettling but an expression that includes few teeth and an eerie Christina Aguilera on speed face.
2. Highlight your long string bean legs by wearing black clunky boots. This is a must.
3. If you have a pot belly make sure you wear a wide belt and hot pants to draw attention to this figure flaw. Bloat scares people. You’re supposed to be scary. Don’t forget this.
4. Keep your arms our wide at all times. This creates a menacing, murderer vibe and it’s what you should be going for.
5. Make sure your cape is flowy and breezy. It should freak dogs and children out simply because it moves with the wind even when you don’t.

When In Doubt Say Boo,
Nancy the Ghoul, MFCC, PhD, MD, DDS

9 Comments on "The Cupcake Lessons"

  1. I’m ready for #3!

  2. The googly eyes undermine all her creepyness.

  3. midlyfemama says:

    I find that adding a few “Oooo, oooooOOOOO, OOOOOOOOOOOOO”s while walking with your arms out wide and cape flapping adds that last soupcon of spooky that makes children go from laughing uncertainly to flat out “STOPITMOMYOURSCARINGME”.

  4. I find Nancy FAR less frightening than I do Clowny.

  5. PJ says:

    I find anyone wearing murderous shoes to be scary.

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      Nancy has a terrible case of duck foot so it makes it nearly impossible for her to use her boots as weapons.