As you may or may not know I am a scientist that works with a team of men and women who eat red licorice. In the recent past we have been studying parking habits and have, after many bunsen burner experiments, come to the following conclusions about How To Park If You’re the Driver of a 90,000 Square Foot Winnebego:
1. When you steamroll into any parking lot, make sure to keep your speed under 80 miles per hour. Otherwise, you might startle innocents with cars of normal size.
2. If your Winnebego is the size of The Netherlands, take pains to snuggle into a parking spot that can accommodate your large behind.
3. Limit the amount of bikes you slap on to the back of your Winnebego to 36. This will help with the amount of space your small city protrudes into free space for other helpless humans who are simply trying to function and breathe.
4. Say you’re choosing a parking spot. Ask yourself: If I am five hundred thousand feet wide and the parking spot is 12 feet wide—is that a good fit?
5. Write yourself a post-it note reminder: I Am Not a Compact.