The Cupcake’s Official Scare-O-Meter

SEVEN OR ABOVE (AKA poop pants terror):

1. ┬áDavid Copperfield’s extreme mom jeans
2. The Grim Reaper
3. Rottweilers off-leash
4. The vague resurgence of Shannon Daugherty
5. When you’re driving in a car with an acquaintance and suddenly there is a cesspool smell and you can’t say “I didn’t fart, did you?” because you barely know the person
6. Making THE WRONG KIND of eye contact with a CRA-ZA-ZA-ZEE person sitting outside your neighborhood market at dusk
7. Cooking instructions that say “Now cook the garlic in the oil BUT DON’T BURN THE GARLIC BECAUSE IF YOU BURN THE GARLIC YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY WILL LIVE THE REST OF THEIR LIVES IN ANGUISH AND THERE WILL BE A BITTER TASTE FROM THE GARLIC AND THIS BITTER TASTE WILL INFUSE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE YOU HAVE EVER LOVED OR KNOWN OR THOUGHT ABOUT KNOWING.

Stay Safe My Darling Milk Duds,
Commander Candy Corn

6 Comments on "The Cupcake’s Official Scare-O-Meter"

  1. The Zadge says:

    #1. Did Mitt lend his to David C. for his performances?

  2. Catalyst says:

    What can I say? LOL!

  3. Zadge, you stole my line. Can I add the how scary the smarmy look on both of their faces is?

  4. MidLyfeMama says:

    Oh that cesspool smell. I was trapped on a 5.5 hour flight last week where that smell wafted by every 20 minutes or so. Pretty sure it was the guy in front of me, but really you just could not be sure. It was terrible. Nothing induces a slight case of claustrophobic panic like being in the window seat, on a long flight, with that smell going up your nose.

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