Things I Don’t Understand, Items 483 thru 485

483. How it is that George Hamilton’s skin has not fallen off
484. Snorers who deny they were snoring
485. When you tell someone you’re afraid of flying and they go IT’S THE SAFEST FORM OF TRAVEL YOU’RE MORE LIKELY TO DIE FROM A GANG OF RENEGADE MOSQUITOES STABBING YOU OR FROM FALLING IN YOUR KITCHEN OR FROM YOUR OWN HAIR ATTACKING AND SMOTHERING YOU OR FROM OVERDOSING ON WATER OR FROM AN ANGRY FLOWER ARRANGEMENT THAT COMES TO LIFE AND SHOOTS YOU IN THE FACE WITH A RIFLE OR FROM EAR WAX OVERLOAD OR FROM THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT COLLAGEN OR FROM GETTING RUN OVER BY A TONKA TRUCK OR FROM GETTING LOST AND DYING OF STARVATION IN JUSTIN BIEBER’S TENNIS SHOE OR FROM GETTING CRUSHED IN A STAMPEDE OF EYELASHES OR FROM STARING TOO LONG AT ORANGE JUICE!!!

14 Comments on "Things I Don’t Understand, Items 483 thru 485"

  1. PJ says:

    And that is precisely why there is no orange juice in my house. Ever.

  2. Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

    You can have it (if you want to take the risk) — just don’t LOOK at it.

  3. The Zadge says:

    483. He should date that crazy New Jersey mom that is addicted to tanning booths. They’d have some pretty raisin-children together.

  4. claudia w says:

    raisin_children…now there’s a concept LOL

  5. George HAS to be from the Jersey Shore. The original Situtation.

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      He’s in La Cage Aux Folles at The Pantages in LA so the commercial is on EVERY FIVE SECONDS and every time I see it I say “now, why does HE not have sun damage like I do?”

  6. 484. I’m guilty. And then I get pissed because my husband woke me up to tell me I was snoring. Then I yell at him in my half-sleep state that I WAS NOT SNORING YOU’RE SMOKIN CRACK.

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      I have this magic trick where I shake my husband’s pillow and he kind of wakes up looking all confused like, wha?

  7. Sandra says:

    If I could get Justin Bieber’s tennis shoe, I would either 1) sell it and pay off my bills or 2) give it to my 12 year old daughter and she would promise to feed me soup when I’m too old and crippled to hold the spoon myself.
    …wait…I think I got slightly off topic of flying as being a safe mode of travel…

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      That’s what we should do. We should get his shoe and either sell it OR live in it. I like how you think.

  8. MidLyfeMama says:

    I snore. I admit it. I am just helpless to do anything about it. It is particularly bad when I have a cold. Bob sleeps with ear plugs now. Sometimes I am snoring so badly even that doesn’t help, at which point he pats and pokes and pushes at me until I wake up, grab his hand and say “WHAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT.” And he tells me to roll over, and I do. Until the next time.

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      Reports from my brother-in-law describe the same behavior from my sister: The Arguing, Sound Asleep, Bordering On Challenging Snorer.

  9. Donna says:

    #485 – I HATE THOSE PEOPLE!
    Like being in a tin can miles off the ground and being at the mercy of guys who are either falling asleep at the wheel and missing whole airports or having psychotic breaks isn’t anything to worry about!

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