Things I Don’t Understand, Items 489 thru 491

489. Why sweatpants don’t come with a special teeny forklift for when the tie of the sweatpants gets lost in the small intestine of the sweatpants
490. Mitt Romney’s perpetual Baby-Taking-a-Bowel-Movement expression
491. How we’re all going to make it without The Bee Gees

22 Comments on "Things I Don’t Understand, Items 489 thru 491"

  1. The Zadge says:

    Please come up with an app for number 489.

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      I have LITERALLY spent a solid hour hunched over a pair of sweatpants squinching the string through the little cloth tunnel using a safety pin. I should start a small repair business.

      • The Farmer says:

        How about when you get halfway through with the safety pin and the back seam is sewn closed? THEN WHAT?

        • The Farmer says:

          And if you do start that small sweatpant repair shop I can do your website.

        • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

          I’m familiar with this obstacle. It’s an illusion that it’s sewn shut. There’s always a teeny weeny hole you can push the safety pin through.

  2. Agreed
    Agreed
    Agreed

  3. 490. Mitt had that exact look when he was trying to read scripture last week. My husband just looked at me and rolled his eyes.

  4. June Gardens says:

    Everyone said, Oh go see that Cupcake Murphy. Oh, go look at her blog. So finally I was all okay. Fine.

    Now four minutes later have fallen in love with you. In every way.

  5. Catalyst says:

    Have you ever watched Mitt walk? Strange little mincing posture. Not presidential.

    • Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

      He waddles like he’s squishing several thousand dollar bills in between his butt cheeks. But what do I know?

  6. Sitting here on the couch watching the Opening Ceremonies…athletes marching to the Bee Gees while I think of how much I loved them and how I fell asleep at their concert and how popcorn makes me gassy and then thinking how sad it was that Andy Gibb died while he was still pining for Victoria Principal and how sad it is that I have to wait until my mother-in-law leaves the room so I can fart.

  7. Cupcake Murphy says:

    This is like your early Christmas present to me, this comment.

  8. If I can make it without The Clash, everyone else can make it without the Bee Gees.

  9. THE DRAWSTRING!!! DEAR LORD.

    It is so true….

  10. Midlyfemama says:

    The thing I cannot wrap my brain around regarding Mittons Von Mittenberg is the way he talks. It is half bad Methodist preacher in the pulpit half crazy guy at the bagel place trying to convince me that he is Jesus and that there are no bagels in Nazareth. Why does anyone want to make this person in charge of anything?