Things I Don’t Understand, Items 515 thru 517

515. When old men belt their slacks just below their ears
516. Grocery check out people who have really long red, white and blue painted fingernails as well as giant gaudy rings on every one of their fingers, even the thumbs
517. Signs on lawns that say “PICK UP YOUR DOG’S POOP!—YOU ARE BEING VIDEOTAPED!”

4 Comments on "Things I Don’t Understand, Items 515 thru 517"

  1. MidLyfeMama says:

    It is like the waistline of old men slowly creeps higher and higher as they age. Alternately they go the route my dad has gone, with the pants sagging off the back end like some geriatric hip hop star. Yo.

    We have a serious poop offender in our neighborhood. He walks his dog off leash, which allowed said dog to be free to come up and attack my beagle Buster one day as we were walking. He lets the dog poop wherever, and does not pick up after him. He often walks while reading a book too. In general, seeing this man makes the red haze of rage rise up behind my eyes and I must employ my yoga breathing and chant my mantra of DO NO HARM so I avoid the karmic legacy that would undoubtedly befall me should I strangle the ever loving pretencious entitlement out of him. My point, and I do have one, is there was one house in the neighborhood which displayed a sign similar to what you describe solely because of this jackass.

    Breath in pink, exhale blue…

  2. Kana says:

    I have a miserly friend who actually owns a digital camera now, almost for the sole purpose of catching his neighbor’s dog “in the act.” He’s already brought grievance, lodged a complaint, had the neighbor/owner officially notified; now, he has impounding in his vengeful heart. He really needs a girldfriend.

  3. claudia w says:

    We sell signs that have a silouette of a dog taking a dump with the red circle and slash. That’s so the dogs know not to poop on your lawn, since they can’t read. (Or maybe if the owner can’t read)

  4. Here’s the sign I made & hung on my fence: PICK UP YOUR POOP, I’M NOT THE QUEEN OF SH*T CITY.