Things I Don’t Understand, Items 572 thru 574

572. Debutante Balls
573. Those electronic freeway signs that predict travel times
574. People addicted to using the expressions “Stay dry!” when it’s raining and “Don’t work too hard!” when someone’s working

9 Comments on "Things I Don’t Understand, Items 572 thru 574"

  1. PJ says:

    #574 has me thinking. Why do we say those things? Are we wishing people well? Do we think we’re funny?

  2. Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

    No comprende.

  3. I’d like to disembowel the person who came up with,
    “Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away”

  4. Hilary says:

    ah, in the northeast, this time of year, it’s “Stay warm”… there’s a chance of that.

    • PJ says:

      I had to move 5 states south to get the sound of that crazy diabolical howl out of my ears. Moved right into, “Hot enough for you?” Why, no, no it isn’t. My hair hasn’t melted off the top of my head yet. What do you think you sweaty moron?

  5. PJ says:

    My eyes turn red and snakes come out of my ears when I hear or see, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” And yet, I have the cutest tile, which I personally purchased and hung where I see it frequently that says, “If life hands you a lime, make a margarita.”

  6. PJ says:

    #573 Those could easily be replaced to stationary signs that read: “Either you are screwed or it’s your lucky day. And that could change in the blink of an eye, Sucker.”

  7. “Debutant Balls” – ROTFLMAO!!!

  8. #574: Like two weeks ago when it was blizzarding and the Home Depot clerk said, “Drive safely!” and I said, “FUCKING ALWAYS!!” while my kid was sitting there with chocolate smeared all over her face from a candy bar she had stolen at the check-out. And I realize this is an incomplete sentence.