To-Do List: Fruit Fly

Hi. I’m a Fruit Fly and here is my To-Do List:

1. Wake up and stretch, wonder if I’ll always be so hyper
2. Practice dive-bomb speed, shape shift agility and nostril penetration
3. Google Map Quest for directions to cocktail party near $14.99/lb Whole Foods peaches in kitchen
4. Attend Minuscule Insect Forum; get tickets for “Be an 1/8 of an Inch—Be an Annoying Powerful Crazy Maker” lecture
5. Purchase xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx small helmet from CostCo

7 Comments on "To-Do List: Fruit Fly"

  1. PJ says:

    They PRACTICE nostril penetration? Distressing.

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      It’s more like Lear Jet lodging up your nose when you’re minding your own business. Those little fuckers are FAST!

  2. Catalyst says:

    I HATE those little nastys!

  3. MidLyfeMama says:

    Register for the Advanced Eyeball Touching class…

  4. MidLyfeMama says:

    I figure they are so small that even if they survive the actual collision of the hand clap, they would be knocked dead by the sonic wave. But no. They are possibly made of rubber. I have a friend who is a fruit fly biologist. He gives them alzheimer’s and then studies various cures and their effects on the fly. My question was how would you know it had alzheimers. Can you tell if they forget the name of their children, cannot find their way back to the car in the grocery store parking lot or being having violent arguments with the broom?

    Not surprisingly, there is NO fruit fly advocacy group demanding the ethical treatment of the fruit fly and the ceasing of all testing on them. Everyone agrees that this is totally ethical.