This afternoon I received a drop-by from two Lady Callers with REALLY BIG, SCARY HAIR and MORBIDLY LARGE TEETH that they bared as they told me that they were there to save my soul. Whew! How convenient! I thought, at first, but as I visited a bit with my two Rouged Up Virgin Mothers the situation took a dicey turn because it turns out that My Poofy Lipped Visitors thought (and let me tell you they were quite clear on this point) I was going to hell and all I needed to do was to accept their lord jesus into my heart and then everything would be jim dandy as far as they could see—but here’s my question—did they somehow stumble upon some Cupcake Sin File that was filled with my trespasses like that time I shoplifted a pair of white Levi’s from Macy’s when I was 16 or do they have some special Pious Monster Power that enables them to penetrate my brain and see me for the dubious heathen I am and that I secretly think recycling is the biggest pain in the ass on earth?
—Cowering and Cranky in Corpus Christi