Tuesday Expert Advice

Dear Cupcake,

This afternoon I received a mysterious looking email from someone named Merv Mucklefuss claiming to have photos that my “ex” gave him and initially I became quite concerned and clammy, thinking Oh dear god somehow this malcontent Mucklefuss got his paws on that picture of me from the late 80’s dancing at the Crush Club to Techtronic’s Pump Up the Jam with my old boyfriend — both of us wearing Transformer sized shoulder pads, and I made a plan to move out of state but then I realized I should send an urgent inquiry to you to see what you thought and ask you if you think that this asshole Mucklefuss is the real deal and I should be worried or if you think that Mister Merv Mucklefuss is just some kind of loser spam attacker who spends his days terrorizing people who partied hard in the 80’s thus resulting in millions of photos containing sweaty people with really bad hair?
—Startled Yet Skeptical in Skokie

Dear Startled,
Good luck,

3 Comments on "Tuesday Expert Advice"

  1. The Zadge says:

    I think Mucklefuss was going to expose your eye makeup. Which, I’m sure, matched your hair and shoulder pads in big badness, as mine did.

  2. I’m not sure my hair could have absorbed any more perm solution back then.

  3. PJ says:

    I’m more interested in whether or not you could already write sentences that long back in the late 80’s.