Tuesday Expert Advice

Dear Cupcake,

I’m not sure how it happened and I’m ashamed to even admit it but I have gone my entire fifty years of existence without ever eating a date. I have half-heartedly sated my dried fruit palate, up until this point, with shriveled up apricots, all sorts of raisins and the occasional bag of crystallized pineapple with much underwhelment and then recently my sister was regaling me with Tales of Delicious Dates and I told her I had never, ever eaten one but, based on her endorsement, by afternoon’s end, I had fallen in complete love with these MIND BLOWING JEWELS OF SCRUMPTIOUSITY. Never mind that they look like a herd of gigantic cockroaches strapped down in their little plastic package—THEY TASTE LIKE CARAMEL. Now my question to you is, will I soon be disillusioned with my new paramours when they leave me housebound, suffering a severe case of the trots or can I look forward to having an endless stream of these incredible little flavor kings to keep me delirious with glee forever?
—Crossing My Fingers and Colon in Cupertino

Dear Crossing,
Good luck,

13 Comments on "Tuesday Expert Advice"

  1. The Zadge says:

    Wait! Wait! Pair the Jewels of Scrumptiousity with a good sized chunk of warm, aged Camembert, or some other scrumptious cheese and you will have the ying and the yang to balance out the trots!

  2. LT says:

    I think The Zadge is onto something there.

    Am I noticing a distinct scatological bent to your posts as of late?

  3. patti says:

    What ever keeps you regular! They have to be better than prunes.

  4. PJ says:

    Never had said problem with said dates. Have eaten thousands of them in my life. Do you have pitted dates? Stuff each one with a whole almond and yum yum!

  5. I love prunes probably even more than figs.

  6. I agree with the Zadge about the cheese. But also consider the date with the cheese, wrapping in bacon and broiling. You’ll never go back.

  7. Cupcake Murphy Cupcake Murphy says:

    I feel embraced and buoyed by all of your date, fig, prune guidance. I know you would never steer me wrong!

  8. shelbo says:

    short poem by shelbo

    King of Dates

    Medjool…jewel of wizened fruit
    Oh precious confectionary
    how I love thee
    desicated stickyness

    • Cupcake Murphy says:

      Dude. Medjools are like velvety velvet pieces of velvet and I wish I could eat them all day. Please let me know where I can purchase your poetry book. Do you write only about dried fruit?