Tuesday Expert Advice

Dear Cupcake,

Yesterday I strapped my GPS to my forehead and ventured into Bed, Bath and Beyond the Planet of the Apes in search of a spit spot of items. In other words: NO NEW COMFORTERS OR THROW RUGS OR ORGANIZING DRAWERS OR SPECIAL SPONGES OR MAGIC BANANA HANGERS OR MICROFIBER ASTRONAUT DUST TOWELS. And I was doing fine until I got to the END, where all the lotions, sunscreens, toothbrushes, acne scrubs and exfoliants are and I was wondering—do you know the difference between SPF 15 vs 90 vs  150 or Day Cream/Night Cream vs Mid-Morning vs Late Afternoon Cream or Anti-Oxidant vs Anti- Aging vs Anti-Kardashian or Pearls of Hydration as opposed to Oceans of Youth Serum or Wrinkle Eliminator vs Fine Line Destroyer or Pore Killer vs Face Murderer or Complete Middle Age Bomber Kit vs Total Recall Night Sweats Surprise Attack Parachuter?
—Waiting To Make My Purchase in Palmdale

Dear Waiting,
Good luck,

2 Comments on "Tuesday Expert Advice"

  1. It’s insane, sometimes, our world. Geesh.

  2. Cupcake Murphy says:

    I swear to god when I was having the experience I describe above, there was an elderly woman with her daughter in the aisle near me and they were trying to choose a sunscreen. They eventually stormed off, commiserating about how their brains had become swollen from too many stupid choices. I saluted them.