I’m writing to you with the sincere hope that you might solve a mystery. You see, every time I see a People magazine or an US Weekly there is always a section showing various starlets who are mothers to be or mothers who’ve just become mothers and AS GOD IS MY WITNESS—IT NEVER FAILS there’s always a mention of some woman FLAUNTING something. Halle Berry Flaunts Her Afro! Kristen Stewart Flaunts Her Scoul! Kourtney Kardashian Flaunts Her Bushy Eyebrows! Pink Flaunts Her Post Baby Body! And as far as I can tell from the photos, all these gals are just strolling along or window shopping or buying lots of Starbucks Grande Lattes, like nothing FLAUNTY seems to be going on and I wondered if you knew what constitutes Flaunting? Do you have to shuffle along the promenade with a peacock feather in your cap to qualify as a Flaunter or do you simply have to be Flauntyish and walk down winding staircases like Barbra Streisand in Hello Dolly?
—Cramping From Confusion In Concord